Choices, Should I Stay or Should I Go

Back in May, I wrote about Choice and Control Makes for Happy Participation which focused on allowing your dog to make a choice to opt in for care and how this results in positive effects. These effects of choice extend beyond grooming and medical activities and can be part of your day to day lives. Providing choices will help strengthen the bond between you and your furry friend and grow security in your dog especially if yours is on the timid or fearful side.

As I thought about choice and this blog, I reflected on my past life working with kids and providing opportunities for involvement in developmentally appropriate ways. Our research showed that this kind of involvement helped build stronger bonds between the child and social unit offering these opportunities whether it’s the family, classroom, or community. Interesting too that opps for negative involvement can also strengthen bonds, for example, gangs can suck in youngsters by offering opps to participate.

What do I mean by choice? Here are just a few ways I try to incorporate choice in our day to day lives.

Choice to go for an outing or not - When Boon first arrived to the U.S. she had a slew of medical appointments as she had been hit by a motorcycle in Thailand. If it was time for an appointment, she didn’t have a choice in the matter and I’d cue “Ready” and scoop her up to head off. It seemed important at other times that she get a choice on whether to go outside or not so I’d pick up her leash and stand by the door and wait to see what she wanted to do. I soon learned that hesitation on her part didn’t always mean she didn’t want to go, but that the dog with paralysis likely needed to deal with bodily functions first; I sure appreciate when she tries to communicate this to me lol! Sometimes she would opt to remain on her dog bed and say she didn’t want to go, which sometimes meant I might need to offer an indoor enrichment activity when she later had some energy and I didn’t have time for an outdoor outing.

Choice where she gets to walk/wheel - As much as possible I let Boon dictate where she wants to go, whether it’s looking for the scent of a deer after she picks up their trail or going away from the sound of the nemesis garbage truck or whatever. Sometimes she leads the way or sometimes I say “Which way?” and wait for her to decide. This is not to say that the human with higher cognitive skills is not calculating how we get back to the car with her mostly leading the way, for example, Boon tends to turn at corners vs crossing the street so I may occasionally guide her a particular direction in order to increase our odds that we are heading in the direction of where we eventually need to go. If that strategy doesn’t work or it’s time for the outing to wrap up, I cue “Let’s go” which says I’m picking the direction and need for her to come along.

Choice to pick the order of what she dives into for foraging and shredding at mealtime - Initially when we started using boxes and shreddable objects for mealtime I kind of dispensed them one at a time as I prepped them. I could see from her reaction that she became more animated with certain things and of course her stuffed kong ball is always a big hit. This made me realize that she might enjoy the experience better if I put everything into a big box with paper so she gets to find and pull out objects based on her choosing. Wa-la, this is a hit and it’s even entertaining for the humans to watch her decide what she wants to do first and so forth ‘cause the 20 pounder definitely has opinions.

Choice to be pet or not - Boon has a cue to tell me when she wants help to get on our couch, she boops your leg to ask for an assist. She inevitably snuggles up beside me for some body contact. Initially I used to immediately pet her as I assumed asking to come lay practically on top of me meant she’d also wanted pets. Sometimes I’d notice that she’d do some lip licks or a yawn as I petted her which made me realize that just because she wanted to be near didn’t mean she also wanted pets. Now I do a kind of consent test. When she comes to sit next to me, I’ll give her a 2 sec pat and watch for her communication. Does she lean into my hand, does she lip lick or yawn? If the former, I keep going, if the latter, I enjoy that she wants to be near while giving her space.

I think we don’t sufficiently reflect on how much we control the lives of our pets, we decide when to feed them, what they get to eat, often when they go outside, whether they get to see friends, you name it. Making a concerted effort to try to build in opportunities for your dog to make their own choices can go a long way to having a positive bond with your dog and for a happier dog.

So the next time you’re out there with your dog on a walk, you can start humming the Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go while you wait for your dog to decide which direction they want to go :-)

Cheers, Tracy